So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think that I would be absolutely perfect for your cast of Les Miserables, but hear me out, because it's probably not in the part you imagine. Yes, I know I played Eponine in Our Lady of Victory Parish's 2004 production of Les Miserables (who hasn't heard of it?), and yes, I know I rocked the shit out of that role. There is no question about that, it is not up for debate. Nor is the absolute fact that I would be the feistiest, scrappiest Fantine you ever did see now that I'm older and a little more qualified for the more complex role, because everybody who plays Fantine makes her this sad-face little waif for absolutely no reason seeing as she gets into a fistfight with not one but two people in the first half hour of an eighteen hour musical before she dies horribly of being French in 1810, also in the first half hour. No, these are not the parts that I would be perfect for. Do not even mention the name Cosette, I don't want to hear it. Ugh. What a shithead.
I realize that we have nearly run out of female characters here, and that is a purposeful arrangement. You see, the part that I would be absolutely perfect for forever is the part of Enjolras, the leader of the young revolutionaries and the hands-down most bitchingest character in the show. You might not know the character by name, but he's the one who wears the red jacket in the movie and the yellow vest in the stage show. He's the one who throws his gun down in a hail of bullets to raise the revolutionary flag, then gets shot down in a tragic blaze of glory, the revolutionary and/or French flag draped dramatically over his corpse in his death throes, the one who inspires the people of Paris, if only for a moment in his life, to take arms and fight the powers that be, the one who tells Marius to shut the hell up for like one second in his life when he's moaning about some goddamn sentimental shit while I'm giving my incredible, moving speech about mother-fucking freedom and will someone please give me this part already?
Look, there's a reason I'm always typecast as the intense or witchy, mean characters in shows. I've played an actual, sorcerer witch three times in my short stage career, and in basically every other show I've died horribly in some other way as punishment for being a dick. I was crushed by a giant for cheating on my husband, I was figuratively burned to death for trying to convince some guy to burn himself to death, I was melted for keeping slaves and kidnapping some little brat, I was shot to death on a barricade for being a spunky idiot. I also died of diabetes, but that doesn't really fit into my theme. My point is: I look the part. My face is intense, my hair is wild and untamed (read: uncombed), my voice is dark. My point is also: I act the part. Please read that "witchy and mean" when applied to a female character translates to "absolutely fucking awesome" in a male character. I can be freaking intense and intimidating when I want to be. I've had more people stammer "But I... thought you hated me?" at me than any normal person ever should, and these are people that I usually actively liked. I'm apparently not a pleasant person and I'd like that to work to my advantage for once.
Just imagine the possibilities of a female Enjolras, especially a memale Enjolras: Female Enjolras is commanding in a way that isn't overtly sexual, meaning she isn't some femme fatale vamping around stage, which would be such a breath of fresh air for lady performers! Imagine, strength apart from sexuality and pettiness? Who thought it could be possible? Femjolras is simply a strong presence with a knack for leadership, like Joan of Arc, except less insane. She might wear some kind of simplified female dress for her time, or she might wear a version of the men's costume with maybe a longer coat or shirt-tails. Also, let us never, ever call her "Femjolras".
Think about the moments ripe for building with Eponine, whose character can be more developed than the annoying, pining, lovelorn sadgirl with just a few moments being mourned by a female Enjolras. "She is the first to die, the first of us to fall upon this barricade... we fight here in her name... she will not be betrayed." Eponine is justified by someone of her own gender, instead of constantly being defined by men! There could be more female revolutionaries, as it would make so much more sense seeing as there were actual female revolutionaries in the real French revolution. And a notable female revolutionary, in this play about revolutionaries whose only previous interaction between women includes some prostitutes pushing Fantine to sell her body, an old lady and a prostitute arguing over corner space, and Madame Thenardier yelling at baby Cosette to go out into the woods in the middle of the night, would be doing it for better reasons than "there's a cute boy!"
Not to mention it would add a character into this musical, which is otherwise so deftly written and a story so beautifully told, who isn't a woman pining over a man, whose entire character arc isn't defined by men, and who isn't an "evil" or otherwise distasteful character. I changed my mind; I don't care if it's me who plays Enjolras (even though I assert that I would be amazing): please make a version of this play with some female (speaking) revolutionaries scattered in the mix, played by whoever. It already makes no sense that Eponine is dressed like a boy to sneak behind the barricade. There are usually women depicted behind the barricade anyway; they just aren't represented as students. The line "Let us not waste lives, let all the women and fathers of children go from here" is said after Eponine is dead. It technically makes no historical sense that Norm Lewis, an African-American actor, played Inspector Javert in the Broadway revival, and yet he was freaking phenomenal because the humanity of the story trumps the finicky historical details, and defying them even adds to it. I guess I'm just tired of women being left out of the human story through categorization, and I just really want to hear a woman upbraid Marius, "Who cares about your lonely soul? We strive towards a larger goal. Our little lives don't count at all!" instead of being distracted from the glory of history by their own personal dramas, like their crush on a boy, or stealing items off of corpses, etc. Make a female Enjolras. Make a female Grantaire. Make a female Courfeyrac. DO IT. DO IT NOW.
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