Racist French Textbook.

I have a French textbook that could not hate the French any more than it does without being written in the 1940s, which it was, so it's actually pretty tame, considering.

In reality, it's a re-issue of a textbook that was originally written in 1941, with exactly nothing changed besides the date of issue and a few of the more controversial translation exercises sampled from the Elders of Zion replaced.

With this text, you can discover what Queen Elizabeth looked like back when she was considerably hotter through a shaky Xeroxed charcoal drawing, you can realize that despite what you've experienced in your entire lifetime a watch goes not on your wrist, but dans la poche, and of course, you can learn the very useful vocabulary needed to take a boat to Paris. From America. A boat, from New York to Paris... Again, a fucking boat.

The book sets the tone right at the beginning, with a drawn-out passage on how to pronounce many French sounds that's basically an angry drunken tirade about how French people talk English wrong. "You know how when French people are trying to say "the" and they use a z or a d instead of a "th" because they don't know how to talk? Do that. And like, talk through your nose like you're too good to drink my seven-dollar bottle of wine, and then make a pass at someone's wife. There, you're French. La-di-da. No you've had enough, Pierre. I'll leave when I'm good and ready...."

When exploring the complicated "si" clause, in which "si" is translated as "if"and some complex verb conjugations are sometimes utilized, the textbook uses the example "If the Frenchman showered more, the American girls would like him better."

But more than Racist French Textbook hates French people (and Racist French Textbook really hates French people) Racist French Textbook hates.... Racist French Textbook. As evidenced in this totally unnecessary quote demonstrating the seldom-used passive voice: "Hier soir, j'ai été trouvé dans la rue.": "Last night, I was found in the street."

Pull yourself together, French textbook. Do it for the English.